Heads Up Case Study: I Am Not My Job

Written for Heads Up. The original article can be found here. This case study was written by an anonymous HeadsUp4HTs member: a former, and aspiring Headteacher.

I joined HeadsUp4HTs in July 2020 after a very difficult 18 months. I became the headteacher of a failing inner-city school in September 2013 at the request of the LA. I led the change from a failing grade to a good school over the next three years. In November 2018, when the school joined a trust, I believed that myself and the trust CEO were on the same wavelength; that we had the same values and vision about education and my school. Sadly, this was not the case. After a turbulent six months, I resigned from my position from April 2020.

Then Covid happened. This has made it difficult to find a new job. It did mean I had the opportunity to home school my two boys, which was great, but it was a big change to go from leading over 600 people on a daily basis to sitting at the dining room table with a seven and an 11 year-old.
Whilst I was in the middle of the situation I didn’t always see the big picture. Now I have had time to reflect I understand how, and why it happened. This is a simplified account of the events that led up to my resignation. I am sure it is not a unique story and I know it is not a unique outcome.

Before we joined the trust, the CEO talked about support for all children, a philosophy that I believe in whole heartedly. I am certain that all children should be supported to achieve the very best outcomes possible, including, and perhaps prioritising, those most vulnerable children who may not reach ‘expected’ at the end of each key stage. I believed that, as a school, we should set up a nurture unit for children who were struggling with behaviour needs. This was a costly proposal, but the SLT, governors and most staff knew that the children needed us to do this. Unfortunately, this was not a view held by all stakeholders.

I went ahead with the nurture unit and it was a success for all children who attended. I stuck to what I knew was right, but I agree, I did not raise standards at KS2. I was called to a meeting and was offered an exit package under the guise that three members staff had made complaints about me and about the direction of the school. These we not official complaints and the whistleblowing policy was not followed.

I refused the package, as I knew I had made the right decision. A further six months later I was called to another meeting, whereby I was offered another exit package. This time, however, the narrative was different: take the package or you will go onto a support programme. With advice from my union, I took the exit package.

Throughout those 12 months, as I was coming to the final decision, my feelings were that of disbelief.

Is this really happening to me?

After my resignation I went through the five stages of grief.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance

This was definitely not a linear journey, but a complete rollercoaster with loops and returns to the beginning. I am now at acceptance, but it has taken me a while to get there.

Thinking about what I have learned from the journey,I suppose the main learning outcome from this experience is that I’m not on my own and it is not my fault. This has happened to many Heads, but until it happened to me I wasn’t really aware. The experience is very isolating. I have learnt a great deal about myself as a person as my job formed part of my identity. I felt that part of me had been stolen; I was bitter, angry and lost. I spent months reflecting on myself as a leader but more time on me as a person. This is a non exhaustive list of things I have learned:

I am not my job. (Some people know this about themselves but I wasn’t one of them)

It is not my fault. (The root of the issue is in the current education system)
I will be a better leader because of it. (The time I have spent on reflection, including the importance of my values and vision has solidified my belief in the fact that this is the best job in the world)

If I do nothing about this situation the system will continue to do this to leaders. (I need to stand on my soapbox and make the changes from within the system)

I am braver than I believed

I am stronger than I seemed

I am smarter than I thought

There is much the system can learn from my experience.

Value the leaders

Value the staff

Value all pupils

Listen to the leaders – they know their staff

Listen to the leaders – they know their pupils

Listen to the leaders – they know their communities

Change the accountability of the education system

Change the remit for OFSTED to that of support

Change the education system so that it is not part of a four-year political cycle

I am now looking for a job, and will continue to do so. It is not easy for me as I find interviews difficult. The last few years have been an emotional rollercoaster, but I don’t want to get off, not just yet.
I am now looking for a job, and will continue to do so. It is not easy for me as I find interviews difficult. The last few years have been an emotional rollercoaster, but I don’t want to get off.